Fountain of Youth

Jane Clark, Writers Bloc

Mankind has searched for the Fountain of Youth since the Middle Ages hoping to find an imaginary spring with waters that could heal all kinds of sickness and help old people regain their youth. Spanish explorer Ponce de Leon believed he had found the Fountain of Youth when he discovered a natural spring in St. Augustine, Florida, in 1513.

It is easier to find the secret to staying young today because the Fountain of Youth can be ordered in the comfort of your living room from hundreds of commercials on your television. There are dozens of lotions, potions, pills, and any number of devises to make you look and feel more youthful.

You can once again have lustrous hair by using special shampoos to repair your damaged, lifeless tresses. If you chose to wash away the grey, you can use long-lasting hair color, and if you are losing your hair, there is help from companies promising to give you a full head of hair and restore your youthful appearance. I question the success of the hair replacement treatments.  If you lost your original hair, what would keep you from losing the replacement hair? One commercial promotes using hair-like particles that you sprinkle on to add fullness to your existing hair. The particles can be washed away easily with shampoo. Makes me wonder what would happen if you’re caught in a rainstorm.

Next you’ll need a younger looking face which can be achieved by a variety of treatments. You can use a laser light on your face and watch as a miracle occurs and you suddenly look twenty years younger. Massaging brushes can exfoliate old worn out cells to reveal a more youthful appearance.  And there are dozens of age-defying creams and lotions that can help if all else fails. 

Now it’s time to whiten your teeth with strips, lights, or toothpastes that can instantly remove years of stains. If you need to replace some of your teeth, there are dental implants or snap-on teeth to give you back your youthful smile.

If the rest of your body needs a makeover, there are dozens of machines and contraptions to whip you back into shape. But remember, they don’t work if they stay tucked away under the bed or in a closet. If exercise isn’t for you, you might try one of the miracle fat-burning pills. They claim there is no need to change the way you eat.  Just take the pills and the extra weight comes off magically.

Now that you look more youthful, it’s time to get rid of all those aches and pains. A special bed with several adjustments can cure a backache, special vitamins can restore your libido or take care of hot flashes, and you can relieve joint pain, sore muscles, itchy skin, bloating, and indigestion with numerous other pills or creams. More serious diseases can be treated with a myriad of prescription drugs advertised on television. You can ask your doctor to prescribe the items advertised to treat depression, diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma, COPD, and other conditions.  These prescription drugs are supposed to help you live longer—if you survive the long list of side effects.

When you total up all you would spend on your Fountain of Youth, it will no doubt cost several thousand dollars. Then you can decide if it would be worth it or whether you will just grow old gracefully like the rest of us and spend your money enjoying life.

Jane Clark is Co-Director of Writers Bloc and enjoys writing poetry, essays, memoirs, and short stories. Her first novel True Allegiance is available on and Books A


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